How To Trick Others into Believing You Take Taekwondo Class When You Actually Don’t

For about a good Semester I managed to trick my co-workers into believing I took Taekwondo for defence and fitness purposes, only because I was sick and tired of telling people how clumsy I am of bumping into objects and sporting bruises afterwards. Therefore, one day when my co-worker asked me where this giant bruise on my leg came from, I simply told him it was from when my friend kicked me during Taekwondo class.

Now this is where it got tricky and where I had to think on my feet as it was only then I had decided to go along with this false tale, as inevitably there were going to be follow up questions. Those were such as,

“Oh cool, what belt are you?”

To be honest, I was going to say white belt since it was the first level but I thought I’d better not say that since I knew nothing about belt colours except black belt is the impressive one. Instead, I told him that it was a class for self-defence and didn’t focus on belts since it was an extra curricular activity that I did for fun and fitness.

His next question was, “How long have you been doing Taekwondo?” I told him I’d started taking Taekwondo since the semester had started and it’ll end when the semester finished, since I had only paid for a semesters worth of class.

Over then next month or so, it then escalated to, “Show me a move you learned from Taekwondo” or “Fight me after our shift ends in the car park”. And my response to both of them were simple responses that were genuine. You see, I’m forced to wear a skirt to work so my excuse every time would be, “Firstly, you would lose against me and you’ll cry once, and secondly, I’m wearing a skirt.”

And that is how I tricked people into believing that I take Taekwondo class when I actually don’t.

I think I might just be that bored at work lol

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My Tutor Is A Morbid Bitch

Really she is.

When I first met her at the beginning of the semester I found her alright. I thought she was going to be one of those nice tutors who give marks easily, which she said so herself in the first tute, “I give marks very easily, I’m happy to give HDs!”

Next thing you know, she fails you for the first part of your component for your assignment.

I go to her lectures and she points out the negatives in every fucking case scenario.

“This many people died.” BLAH BLAH BLAH

Look, lady, I didn’t come to your lectures to hear you talk about the negatives, I came to learn and pointing out unnecessary stuff like that won’t teach me anything. But whatever, it’s not like I go to her lectures anymore… only just when I need to.

So two weeks ago we were doing presentations (still are), and we got up to this group where she kept on interrupting them every slide. The group of three were doing their presentation, speaking and explaining to the class about the topic they were given, until the tutor interrupted them saying stuff like,

“Your data isn’t right.”

“Your referencing is wrong.”

“Your information isn’t correct.”

“What you’re saying is completely wrong.”

“Your font size isn’t big enough!”

Yes, I’m serious, this bitch is pedantic about font size, if she can’t read it, it’s too small for her, I mean you could have font size 16, which everyone else can see perfectly fine on a powerpoint slide, but for her, it must be font size 24 or you’ll suffer the wrath of my bitchy tutor!

Woman, you don’t interrupt anyone while they’re doing a powerpoint, teaching or at least speaking! You’re so fucking rude and you complain that students are rude to you, oh yeah I wonder why!

I’m so glad that student that presented stood up herself when the tutor interrupted her, but I felt so sorry for her when she ended up crying at the end of the tute because of my tutor, and because of all that hectic drama, that student ended up moving to another class the next week!

Also today in my other class that my bitchy tutor takes, tells my group and I that we are not going to get a HD after we tell her we’re aiming for a HD for that class. Oh yeah, and she says that one of the guys in our group can’t be doing 80% of the work while everyone else does 30%, and this wasn’t even in a nice tone, this condescending bitch blames us that we’ve been making that guy do all the work. I mean helloo, we haven’t even done any work together, why the fuck are you even saying this?! Also, why the fuck do you think we’re making this one guy to 80% of the work? Is that how you really think of us? What kind of students do you think we are? What kind of person are you for assuming such thing?

The day I will have my last class with her is the day I cannot wait for as I will be free from her rein of terror and bitchy-ness.

I hate her.

A Series of Unfortunate Work Events

SERIES ONE:

At work today when I was on the registers, the EFTPOS machine server went down, and I wasn’t sure when it’d be up and running again. Anyway, this grumpy old, middle-aged man customer came through and after I put everything through he asked to pay by card. I explained to him that I’m not sure if our EFTPOS machines are working at the moment but they might be back up and running so he can give it a go. So at the end of the transaction, it failed, and I told him that it failed because our EFTPOS server is down. He then cracks the shits at me, half shouting and says,

“Are you serious? How do you guys make business if your EFTPOS machines don’t work! How do you expect for customers pay for their stuff?”

And I respond a little confused that he asked those questions, but they were probably supposed to rhetorical ones. Anyway, I said, “Uhh… other customers pay by cash. Do you have any on you?” PROBABLY SHOULDN’T HAVE SAID THE FIRST PART OMGGG WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME LOOOOL

He then says, “Don’t be smart! It’s not nice to be like that towards customers and you’re giving them really bad customer service! And I haven’t got any cash, you’re being extremely rude!”

Then I’m like, “You can go try and see if the EFTPOS machines are working in vitamins and pay there if you’d like.”

He asks where they are really grumpily, and I tell him where it is, and before he walks off he’s like, “Fine, I’ll go there and pay and I’m going to report you! Who’s your supervisor? Who’s your manager? Who’s the owner?”

Where I work, there’s no proper owner at the moment so awks omg so I told him my manager would be down the back in dispensary. And he’s like, “Okay what’s your name? I’m going to report you.” And he was looking at my shirt trying to see if my name was on it but THANK GOD I WAS NOT WEARING MY NAME BADGE OMG HAHAHAHA!

Anyway I got really quiet and didn’t respond immediately and quietly said my name LOL. Not sure if he heard me. Anyway, afterwards I absolutely freaked out and told two other girls who was working the shift with me what had happened, and I pretty much ended the story with “GUYS I’M GOING TO LOSE MY JOB! YOU’RE NOT GONNA SEE ME HERE NEXT TIME WE WORK TOGETHER!”

And because the two girls I was working with were so sweet, they’re like, “Calm down, the manager is on her lunch break. She’s not even working at the moment.”

But I was still freaking out because I didn’t want to be reported omg so I went to dispensary and laundered around there to see if he was actually there but I did a really pathetic job of it because I didn’t want him to be there and point at me and tell the other workers it was me omg I know I’m so paranoid haha D: Anyway, I couldn’t find him but I still wasn’t sure if he’d already lodged in his complaint so I went back to the girls who were working the same shift as me.

Then another worker who worked a shift in dispensary kinda walked passed by me-ish LOL, but yeah I told him about my shitty customer and he’s like, “Oh yeah, I was at dispensary and the guy was like, ‘Hi, I was wondering if you could let me speak to someone in charge or your supervisor. I would like to make a complaint about one of your workers. She was really rude to me.’ So whoever was serving him went to the back to get someone higher who was working but when they came back out, the guy was gone.”

MASSIVE FUCKING RELIEF HAHAHA! After that, all three were trying to calm me down, saying stuff like, “It’s okay, it’s not your fault the EFTPOS machine wasn’t working BLAH BLAH BLAH.” So nice of them, they did make me feel a little better in the end haha. But just saying, I was probably really rude to him LOOOL, I’m not that nice to rude customers anyway hahaha.

SERIES TWO:

A while ago, another worker and I designed a promotional stand for one of the products sold at our store and we entered it into a competition where the winner receives a $100. We agreed to split the money between us so we’d get $50 each.

Anyway, last night/today I found out from the other worker than we won the competition that we entered. I got really, really excited for a split second until I learned that neither of us were getting the money LOL got trolled.

So, the other worker who found out about our winnings first called up the manager and told her about our winnings. The manager tells her that the money won’t be going to us because whatever work we do in the store is claimed by the store, not us. So in a few weeks when the money comes through, the $100 will be spent on morning tea. I wanted my $100 though; our hard work would’ve been more appreciated like that!

Although, when the other worker explained that if the prize was a holiday, the store would raffle it to all the workers in the store and whoever won, got to go in the trip. I’m actually quite glad the prize was $100 and not a holiday trip!

SERIES THREE:

Usually, my Friday night shifts are dead so there’s not that many customers and the two other girls I work with usually end up talking to each other. A customer came through, and needed help with make up so one of us went to help her out (not me though haha). So it was a little while later when another customer came through and said, “you know one of you girls shouldn’t be standing around, chit-chatting, you should be looking around the store… like helping out that customer over there” (which was the customer who needed help with makeup. The worker who was originally helping her out went off to check something for her). “I think she needs some help.”

WELL GUESS WHAT YOU SUPER RUDE LADY TRYING TO TELL US HOW TO DO OUR FUCKING JOB! SHE WAS BEING ALREADY HELPED, YOU DON’T KNOW EVERYTHING THAT’S HAPPENED IN THE STORE! I mean how long have you been in the store? 5 minutes right? Yeah well I’ve been in there for 5 hours so shut the hell up because I’m pretty sure I know which customers are being attended to! And just because she was standing alone, it doesn’t mean she wasn’t being helped out! That lady didn’t even look upset or like she needed any help when she was standing alone, BECAUSE SHE WAS WAITING AND ALREADY BEING SERVED OMG